Sometimes I just wish it would all go away! The life that I have been chosen to live is not the one I expected....if I had a choice, I wouldn't even participate in it. As with everyone, I had the beautiful life picked out for me! Although I'm not foolish enough to think that everyday would be this perfect rendition of your favorite movie scene, I knew I'd have my share of bad times simply because that's what life is about.
Fortunately I still have my Maddox! Although he is growing up way to fast for my liking, he's the best kid ever. He may not be my child (actually my 2nd cousin) but I couldn't love him anymore than I do now. I've been there since day 1 for him (and his Momma) and I'll be there for the rest of my life. I'm not his Momma...I'm his MeMe and I claim "daddy rights" on him! :-) He never fails to bring a smile to my face when he comes over to the house just to tell me he loves me and give me a hug. He's 6yrs old going on 15, and as intelligent as could be. I am so very proud of him!! He's polite, courteous to others, has a huge heart.....but he is a typical 6 yr old at times! No he's not perfect and he does act like a donkey at time, but all in all he's a good kid.
Maddox was so ready to be a "big brother" so telling him that Brinley wouldn't be coming home with us was quite difficut. We told him that Brinley was really sick and that God needed her with him, Brinley was going to be an angel. He had a hard time with it at first, he was really sad, but we just kept telling him that Brinley would be in our hearts forever. We tell him that he is still her big brother and that he can talk to her anytime he wants to. We read him this poem several times and he seems to take comfort in it.....
Daddy please don't look so sad, Momma please don't cry.
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me a lullaby.
Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.
You see...I'm a special child, I am needed up above.
... ... I'm the special gift you gave him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers; I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
Know that it's me, planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug.
Don't be sad Mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy don't look so sad and Mommy please don't cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me a lullaby.
He has asked to have pictures of Brinley in his room and he talks about her a lot. He often asks us to put her urn in his room (he knows he's not allowed to touch it....because I am paranoid & it scared that something will happen and she accidently get knocked over & break) but when she is in his room, he'll show her all of his toys and tell her where things belong in the room. He tells her all about his day and what he learned at school. It is absolutely the sweetest thing ever to watch/hear happen...even though I have to sneak cause he doesn't like anyone to listen to him, he says it's his "brother time" with her.
We don't push things on him, I didn't put Brinley's pictures in his room until he asked for them. We had gotten a fiberoptic snowman for Brinley that he asked to have in his room beside his Christmas tree. Tonight he asked if he could keep the snowman beside his bed all the time, even after Christmas...when I asked him why, he said so he could always remember Brinley and so that she could always sleep next to him. He even play board games with her sometimes....and she even wins! I don't know what we'd do without him, he's the light in all of the darkness!
I couldn't be more proud of him! He's the sweetest, most thoughtful little boy on the planet!