Monday, December 12, 2011

Brighter Days Ahead

"You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprise. So tonight I light a candle for you my sweet, precious child."

The Compassionate Friend (TCF) support group held a candlelight service for anyone who has lost a child last night. It was a beautiful, heartfelt service...however, it made me realize that the hard times are no where near being over. I'm still on the roller coasters of emotions that, at times, feels like it's completely out of control. Although I hate the fact that another person has gone through the pain of losing a child, I am grateful that I can turn to someone who has survived the beginning stages of the grieving process. I know that I will always grieve the loss of our beautiful daughter but right now the pain is still so raw that some days I struggle to get out of bed.

TCF is a group that started in Lexington by a lady who lost her son (by reasons that I am unaware of), 33 years later there are 625 chapter around the world. Which is Amazing! They hold an annual candle lighting service to honor and remember our children who are gone too soon. Candles were lit here at 7 the time that it reaches around the world, it's 24 hours of candles lit. The service is intended for any parent who has lost a child, for any reason, at any age.

Meeting the people that we met last night was a comfort to us. They were people who have been in our shoes and have walked the path that we now have to walk. People who understand the pain that we feel and have gotten to better days. People who understand the grief process. It's nice to be around those that I don't have to be "strong" for. Being told that although the pain will always be there, it will get better in time...which is nice to know because it doesn't feel that way right now. Seeing people smile, who have had to say good-bye to a child, lets me know that I can get through this too.

Although I'm not quite as "strong" as a lot of people think that I am...I do know that with God by my side, I can get through anything, I would be completely lost without my faith in Him. I long for the day that I get to wrap my arms around Brinley again, but until then, I'll carry her in my heart and in my thoughts. I pray every night that God allow her to come to me in my dreams. I do feel a slight bit of comfort in knowing that my baby girl is now whole, healthy, happy and in the arms of Jesus Christ, as well as all of our family/friends who have gone on before us.

<3 Melissa <3

1 comment:

Deb said...

I am so glad you were able to attend the candle lighting. That must have been such a special thing for all of you and what a wonderful idea born out of another mother's grief.

Yes, you are still raw and the pain is still so fresh but it will get better with time. All wounds need time to heal and grief is no different. The loss is always a part of your life but you slowly begin to function again and find joy in things again...honest!

I am so proud of you and how you have been willing to grieve openly in front of us all. You have and will continue to help other women/people who either have or will find themselves in your place. It's not easy to be so transparent with your feelings and I just want to say thank you for letting all of us share a small part of Brinley's life and for allowing us to watch what God is doing in your life. It is a blessing for us.