Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What Made Me....Me!

As my Dad once said..."she graduated from the School of Hard Knocks, top of her class"! Sure it was a joke for him, but it was quite true in reality. Let me say now, before someone gets the wrong idea...I sent myself through the "School of Hard Knocks"! Believe me, my parents tried everything they could (short of military school) to get me to act right but I wasn't going to listen...to anyone! For some strange reason, I wanted to learn things the hard way...I wanted to see all that "life" was about...I wanted to make my own path...and I wanted to do it MY way.

Needless to say, the course I took through life wasn't the easiest road one could take...But I did learn a whole lot on the road, some good, some bad, some fun, some sad. I lost a lot of people that meant a lot to me over the years; some to death, some to prison, some just because they couldn't (or wouldn't) deal with all of my festivities, and some because I just had to walk away! Although, those who watched all of my destruction from a distance were the ones most affected ... only I didn't know that until ... life as I once knew it, completely imploded. I do mean "imploded".....with the blink of an eye, everything that I knew and the person I had become...had to change!

Most people who quit the lifestyle that I led say how bad things were for them and how miserable they were while they were getting high and living the lifestyle that you live. Well...I'm not one of those people! I had a whole lot of fun and for the most part, I can't say that I "regret" any of it. Sure, I had those days/ weeks that were less than ideal but for the most part, it wasn't that bad. But to compare the way things were then  as to the way the are now...it's as different as night and day. I wouldn't change the way things are now for anything. Then again, I wouldn't change the way thing were either, I learned so much from it all. I learned what people are made of, but most importantly, I learned what I am made of.

I earned the nickname of Lizzard!! Not because of anything x-rated but because my nephew couldn't say my name.....but I say that I earned it because I have the ability to adapt to my environment quite easily. I took the name with pride and for the longest time, even those closest to me didn't know what my real name (and I liked it that way). Lets just say that I was doing a few things that could've landed me in prison for several years, so people not knowing my real name wasn't a bad thing.

June 12, 2005 marked the beginning of the whole new me! To make a very long story short....I had a wreck...woke up in the hospital with a shattered wrist, a few broken ribs & a huge knot on the side of my head...under arrest....lets just say it wasn't my best day!! Who would've thought that what was then the worst day of my life would actually turn out to be the best day of my life. Sobriety came fairly easy for me...after all, my choices were to embrace sobriety or prison but I had to embrace something because the judge wasn't going to let me keep my old life, so I choose sobriety!

Through sobriety, I got to know the God that created me!! I'm not the same person that I used to be and I don't care to even go back to being that person. But I don't wish to erase the past either...all that I was, has made who I am...and I love me!!! Having a relationship with God doesn't make the bad days go away but it does make them more bearable. I don't consider myself to be a "religious" person, I can't recite Bible verses and I can't tell you details.....but I do know the jest of what the Bible teaches us. I do consider myself "spiritual" because I do know God and I do have a personal relationship with him. I try to do the right thing by what I have learned and what I believe. I honestly believe that Jesus saved us from our sins and that people can change, if they truly want to. I have faith in things that I cannot see...I may not be able to touch it but I can feel it!

<3 Melissa <3

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